I miss mah momma. ):
seriously, it kind of sucks. She left for the weekend, came back last night and now is at the airport getting ready to board a flight for Germany. For 2 weeks. Oh, and my birthday is next week- she's missing that. I don't know why I'm so depressed now, though, why it's finally hitting me because I've dealt with this kind of shit since I was born lol. But it's really starting to affect me, and last night when I was laying in bed I thought about that time she went to Chicago when I was in 3rd grade. I remember bolting up in bed, waking up from a really bad nightmare and wanting my mom. Then, it hit me that she wasn't home and I felt nauseous, the pit in the bottom of my stomach was unbearable. I really can feel that like it was yesterday. Blah; I just want her to come back home. I miss her so much.
And on top of that, it's like no one has the time for me. My best friend is always studying, which isn't her fault- she has 5 AP's, 2 of which are Chemistry and Calculus. But still, I kind of miss seeing her face. And my grandparents are leaving for my birthday, too. I know it's ridiculous, since I always talk shit about them. But they always stop by the house on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday. And I miss Nikky. And my dad doesn't really pay attention to me. Ugh. FML.
Whatever, I'll live. Katy Perry is tonight- not that I really care. I'm not really excited, at all.
APs are next week. And as i mentioned previously; so is my birthday. I don't even care. I have a feeling taht my dad is gonna fuck it up and I'll end up crying on my birthday lol. Like really, I have a gut feeling. I don't even think I'm getting anything for my birthday, since we're kind of broke atm. So, fuck that. At least my mom's letting me borrow her Lexus.
Hopefully I'll be in a better mood soon. Grad Bash is Friday- I'm actually excited for that (:
- Mood:
crappy - Music:Shantal singing & Caves playing in da piano roooom. Holla!
i wanna go back )):
Today marks my last End of the Year Show and I'll admit it, I'm quite sad. As much as I bitched and moaned about previous rehearsals that I had to attend, how long I had to stay school and how tired I was- these shows have been such a great experience. Not only are they so much fun, but it allows us to all bond. The memories I have from these shows are the most prominent when I look back at my 4 years at Coral Reef. I can remember Material Girl rehearsals- Layla tripping on the risers lol!- to the most recent Steam Train rehearsals. I can't believe how fast everything has gone. I remember watching the senior song in freshman year (although I'm not quite sure what it was) and being like "Hah...I can't believe they're crying" and thinking I had all the time in the world before it was my turn to be there. But now as I sit on the stage in front of the audience, my back facing the captured moments on a slideshow, all I can think of is "Where the hell has time gone?"
I never realized it, but my fellow seniors are like a family to me. Yes, sometimes they annoy the shit out of me, and yes, sometimes I do get frustrated with them. But in the end, I know that we can make it through any situation because we love each other. They have affected my life in so many ways, and I feel so grateful that I got the chance to know them. And not only is it my fellow senior class, but the junior class and the sophomore class. My "babies" Amanda, Lindsey, Katie, Lianett, Karina, Mel-Mel, Kacey and all of them... I've had such a great time with them and I wish them the best of luck in the next couple of years.
You can call me sentimental- so what if I am? I love Coral Reef and my CC family. I love singing with my chorus and getting straight superiors. And now that I've established what short time I have left at this school, I will take advantage of every situation that I come across. As Katy Perry sings, "It's my life and I'm not sitting in the sidelines watching it pass me by, I'm leaving you my legacy. I've gotta make my mark, I've gotta run it hard, I want you to remember me."
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Forget About the Boy
And discrimination needs to end.
I'll go more into detail whenever I have time.
- Music:There Will Be Rest.
"Someone's been shot at Southwood again?" I asked, shrugging it off. Yeah, it sucked, but what did a southwood student have to do with me? I mean, it's not like I knew them. That was my mentality yesterday afternoon, before I got the whole story.
We were standing in the chorus room singing "As Long Ago," a piece we were doing for MPAs, when Mr Rose pulled out his phone. He was frantic, even more so than usual, but we, select mixed, came to the conclusion that he was simply stressed by the situation at hand. However, when he handed his phone to Ms Losada, telling him to call Tori until she answered, I knew something was wrong. Then, Mr Rose left school and Michael stood in front of us, guiding us through the song once more. That's when the rumors started, a death at Southwood? Again? How terrible, how unfortunate.... how insert synonyms for sad here. People were asking questions, including myself, but I asked because I was nosey. Others asked because their siblings went to the school and they were worried. Oddly enough, greiving counselors were sent around the school. People were called outside, and I saw groups of kids huddled in groups crying as I walked down the halls. The best bet was not to ask questions, even though the curiousity was gnawing at my brain wanting more information.
I sent a text to Lizzy to find out from Caves, who would say nothing about it, so she went on Miami Herald. She looked up "death at southwood" but as we would find out later, that clearly wasn't the subject at hand. So, I went on with my daily life. But that didn't stop me from watching the news at 4. A complete horror story was the headliner, a family killed by the father, who at the end shot himself. Only one person escaped- a 16 year old boy. I paid attention to the story, although it wasn't what I had anticipated, and found out the name of the family. The Amadors. Why did that sound familiar? I kept thinking about it as I sat there, sitting in front of my homework when I realized who it might have been. This sophomore in orchestra, a nice & sweet kid. I hoped to God it wasn't him.
Apparently God wasn't listening. A few minutes later I recieved a text from Lizzy, she sent me a text saying "I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" And so I called her, only to find out what I had thought, what I hoped wasn't true, was. I then proceeded to hug my dad and cry.
I don't mean to sound like a selfish person, writing how this affects me and only me. But... how this could happen? Especially to such a sweet kid. He doesn't deserve this. No one deserves this. I can't even imagine what he's going through right now. What's going on in his head must be tormenting. I hope he can get through this, but then again I can see every reason why he couldn't. I mean, no one can relate to him. And really, what could anyone say to comfort him? Apologizing won't help anything, what's done is done. I'll pray for you? I'm sure he's been praying. I guess everything happens for a reason, but what was the reason for a man to attempt to kill his whole entire family? The only thing I feel that I can do is pray because the only person who knows what he needs right now is God. At least he doesn't have to go through it alone. At least he has his sister. But other than that he must feel so alone...
I don't know how to end this, what is there to say, really? :/
Poor kid, man... poor kid. :/
- Mood: sad
In the 1950's, Emmitt Till, 14 years old, visited his grandparents in Tallahatchie, Mississippi. While he was there, he was dared to talk to this white lady in the store. He strolled in, bought candy and on the way out nodded his head at the woman, "Bye, baby," he said to her and left. That night, at 2:30 am, there was a knock at his grandparents' door. Two men were there, holding a flashlight in one hand and a pistol in the other. They asked his grandfather if he had relatives staying with him from Chicago. He said yes. They took him down to the lake where he was stripped from his clothes, beaten to the point where his body was mutilated, and if that wasn't enough, shot in the head. They found him at the bottom of lake days later, his corpse barely recognizable. The only way they knew it was him was by the letters engraved in his ring.
Look at the pictures. I've never been so repulsed in my life. Not because it was disgusting, (although it really was) but more of the fact how a person could inflict all that damage on to another without feeling any bit of remorse. How could anybody do that without feeling remorse? Just because of the color of their skin? I fucking hate people. I really do.
But... times are changing. Our President is black. Not only does he represent change in the way things have been going in the country, but perhaps the way we judge based on race? Maybe all those ignorant people will realize that no matter what color your skin is, you can be eloquent and educated.
The poor kid, man. All I can think about is how he must have been crying and begging for them to just kill him. He didn't even do anything wrong. Man... :/ Idk what else. I'm donee.
- Mood: sad
Well Friday night was fun, my parents were gone and I had the house to myself. I had a little getty with Lizzy, Alexa, Shari, Shintaro, Liz, Jordan & Davian. Naturally there was alc involved and a good time was had by all. I don't know, but it felt like it was the first time I've had control of my life in a while and it was amazing. I'm not saying that I need liq to have fun, because I really don't. But it was a taste of what I want the remainder of the year to be.
Oh and things with Monnica are really good, so that makes me really happy. I've come to realize that she's my best friend and always will be and no matter how much we fight it doesn't matter cause she's like a sister to me. Wow, run on sentence much? But yeah things are just going really good.
All I need to do is make things work with lover boy and life would be fan-fucking-tabulous (:
oh! And I loved prank calling Johnny on Friday.
Johnny: "Not to be rude or anything, but do you want anything?"
Alexa aka Allen: "Yes; YOU!"
lmfao. i love my friends (:
Oh and we decided on Atlanta, Georgia. We're just gonna drive up on July 27th and go to it on July 28th. Hopefully my parents will let me go- it'll be all on my tab (lmfao) and it'll just be a greaaat road trip. However we're gonna need gas money, food money & Atlanta Six Flag park tickets.
Anyone down to donate cash? (:
- Mood:
excited - Music:Shari-Lee singing.
So where have I been lately? Under a rock, waiting for people to invite me to do something, waiting for my life to start and for senior year to get better. With the exception of my few friends, Lizzy, Monnica & Alexa, it hasn't been all too successful. Instead I've shut out my friends who I was close with in freshman and sophomore year. Yes, I'm still coping with that loss, "trying" to get myself close with them again. In reality I haven't done such thing, like I've said- I've been sitting and waiting for them to befriend me. Of course I've had no such luck.
Anyway, I went to UCF this weekend. My family and I went to the open house and instantly, I fell in love with the campus. I mean, the way it's set up is really quite impressive and the buildings are beautiful. As the day proceeded and the more information we found out about the school and about what I applied for, journalism, I fell in love with the idea of going to the school yet grew more and more scared at the fact that I probably won't get in. It happens to be that journalism is a "limited major" and that only a few students get in the school for the program. My heart sank as I heard that and my nails dug into my skin. So many thoughts ran into my mind at that moment ranging from "I needed to go there" to "Don't get your hopes up, Chelsea." I thought that all my activity in freshman-sophomore year wouldn't matter, that it was all junior year that mattered. But I did terrible in that year as well. As a result, my profile is a horrible GPA & SAT scores. Not impressive in the slightest and I would most definitely understand why a school would not accept me.
However, just sitting in a classroom at UCF made me realize that there is nothing more that I have ever wanted. I know that it isn't that prestigious of a school and that for most people it isn't hard to get into. But for me it felt like home. I also realized as I was sitting there, that I am a passive person. That I let opportunities slip me by and friends slip me by and I don't realize until it's much too late. It's also like that with this one boy I have a crush on. He's so cute and I get the butterflies whenever I see him but he doesn't even know my name or that I even exist. Back to what I was saying, I realized that if I want something so bad that I shouldn't sit around doing nothing and although I know it's too late to do anything about UCF, I shouldn't let everything else pass me by. I shouldn't wait around for opportunities to come to me- I should chase after what I want.
So I have 5 months of high school left. I have 5 months to make a difference in my life and to make my experience up to my standards.
I'm up for the challenege.
- Music:Human- The Killers
What a good week (:
I'm just extremely exhausted. lol.
But my conversation with Gabriel...
it was quiiite amazing.
I love him, I really do. (((:
- Mood: happy
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